Zoos are different in the North and South. In the North, the sign on the cage shows the common name of the animal and under that , the Latin classification. In the South, there is also a recipe....

• You think the stock market has a fence around it.
• Any of your furniture used to be a telephone cable spool.
• Your home has more miles on it than your car.
• Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
• Your Momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
• Y...

Reported answers From SAT tests given to 16 year old Arkansas high school students... Geography
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirt...

Alabama: At Least We're not Mississippi Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong! Arizona: Dehyd-rific! Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing California: As Seen on TV Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother Connecticut: Like Massachuse...

An old man and his wife lived deep in the hills and seldom saw many people. One day a peddler came by to sell his goods and asked the man if he or his wife wanted to buy anything. "Well, my wife ain't home," said the man. "She's gone down to the crick t...

A man was driving down a country road in the middle of dairy farm country when his car stalled. He got out and raised the hood. A brown and white cow slowly lumbered from the pasture over to the car and stuck her head under the hood beside the man. A...

• You think barbecue is a verb meaning, "to cook outside."
• You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY!
• You don't have any problem pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce."
• For breakfast, you prefer potato au gratin to grits.
• You don't know what a moo...

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Little Rock to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says "I want my $20 million." To which the man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million to...

IN GENERAL

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain...

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-...

Many many years ago
when I was twenty-three,
I got married to a widow
who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law
And ch...

The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires six pages for sports. You think that deer season is a national holiday. The definition of "rich" is to own a double-wide. All the festivals you've been too...

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross a mid-western state such as Wisconsin, Tourism Councils have adopted a new policy. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Midwes...

You've taken your kids trick-or-treating during a blizzard. You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit. The mosquitoes have landing lights. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car. You have 10 favorite recipes...

• Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
• If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
• Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. S...

To: Consumas Outside the Garden State It has come ta our attention dat a cupola copies of the Windows XP-New Joisey Edition may have been shipped outsida Joisey. If ya got one a dese, you may need some help unnerstanin da commands. Da Joisey ed...

(Rumor was that this story was an actual article from an Arkansas newspaper. We later learned that's not true.) Two local men were seriously injured when their pickup truck left the road and hit a tree near Cotton Plant on State Highway 38 ear...

A bright young Scottish lad named Shamus had the opportunity to go to university in London. So he packed his bags and said good-bye to his mother and left the highlands for the big city. After the first week his mother called to see how her boy wa...

Score 3 points per correct answer. You're given 1 point to start.
(answers below) The Quiz

1. How many Vienna Sausages are in a can?
2. What was the number and color of Richard Petty's car?
3. Bill Dance is good at what?
4. What university does Bill Dance r...

A redneck decides he is going to buy a chainsaw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a local store asks about the various saws. The dealer tells him, "I have a lot of models of chainsaws, but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and...