Actual 911 Calls
Caller: "I'd like to make a unanimous complaint, so don't use my name."
Caller: "I'm reporting a deer on the road. I almost hit it."
Call-taker: "Is the deer alive?"
Caller: "Oh, no, it's run over. Many, many cars. Again and again, and — OH NO!!! NOT AGAIN!"
Caller: "Am I talking to a real person, or this a recording?"
Caller: "We might (cough) need the fire department here (cough)."
Caller: "Is it okay for a civilian to take a person to the hospital, or does the ambulance have to do it?"
Caller: (irate) "That's 'W' as in Williams and 'Y' as in why."
Caller (on realizing the police are on the way): "Get the keg outta here, dude!"
Caller: "He's not breathing!"
Call-taker: "Can you get the phone close to him?
Caller: "WHY? You want to hear he's not breathing, too?"
Call-taker: "Does she have any weapons?"
Caller: "Well, she has real long finger nails."
Call-taker: "We'll need a description of him."
Caller: "He's a lawyer."
Caller: "No, she just didn't fall...I helped her!"
Complaint about a stolen mailbox:
Call-taker: "What is your address?"
Caller: "It's gone."
Caller: "I'm scared, I just got a Ouija board for my birthday, and now there's writing on my wall and I can't get it off... this thing is going back to K-Mart first thing in the morning!