Actual Classified Ads Found in Actual Newspapers

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little dog FREE PUPPIES. 1/2 Cocker Spaniel. 1/2 sneaky neighbor\'s dog. FREE PUPPIES. Part German Sheperd. Part stupid dog. GERMAN SHEPERD. 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free. FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat. Been out a while. Better be reward. 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... Only used on snowy days. 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15 TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, comes with its own 1988 Mustang, 5L, auto, excellent condition, $6800 COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... also 1 gay bull for sale. FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 yr. warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell. NORDIC TRACK $300. Hardly used. Call Chubby. BILL\'S SEPTIC CLEANING. "We haul American made products." SHAKESPEARE\'S PIZZA - Free chopsticks HUMMELS - Largest selection ever "If it\'s in stock, we have it!" HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB GEORGIA PEACHES. California grown - 89 cents lb. PARACHUTE FOR SALE. Never opened - Used once. TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours, Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour. EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: Queen size mattress & box springs - $175 OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB. And its made of 100% Italian leather JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300 LAWYER SAYS CLIENT NOT THAT GUILTY ALZHEIMER\'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER OPEN HOUSE. Body Shapers Toning Salon. Free coffee & donuts FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.