...and Nothing But the Truth
The prosecuting attorney in Podunkville called his first witness to the stand. He approached her and asked the grandmotherly, elderly woman, "Mrs. Jamison, do you know me?"
Without hesitation, she responded in clear, confident tones, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Yoderberry. I've known you since you were a wee little thing. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I believe I know you."
Shocked, Yoderberry stood speechless for a moment. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the courtroom and proceeded, "And Mrs. Jamison, do you also know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, just as clearly, with great authority, "Why, yes I certainly do. I've known Mr. Terkletov since he was a youngster, too. In fact, I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted; he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors forward to approach the bench. In a very quiet voice, he pointedly said, "If either of you gents asks her if she knows me, you'll be fined and serve time for contempt!"