If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re a jerk
Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.
You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
Don’t tick me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies
You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT
Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom
All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute.
I need someone really bad…Are you really bad?
All men are idiots….I married their king.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.
Out of my mind…Back in five minutes.
Hang up and drive.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry….Then things get worse.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Always remember you’re unique…Just like everyone else.
Be nice to your kids…They will pick out your nursing home.
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