In Country music, sometimes the title is the best part...
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of...
Kindergarten Teacher: To get to the other side. Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads. Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. Martin Luther K...
An Irishman and an American were sitting in the bar at Shannon Airport. "I've come to meet my brother," said the Irishman. "He's due to fly in from America in an hour's time. It's his first trip home in forty years". "Will you be able to recogniz...
From Richard Lederer, author of Anguished English
Certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States. The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by C...
Do you remember Burma Shave signs along the highway? DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
**Burma-Shave** DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED
NEXT IS NOT AMUSING
**Burma-Shave** BROTHER SPE...
One day, while on a tour of America, the Pope's chauffeured limousine pulled off the interstate and onto back roads so the Pontiff could get a better look at the U.S.A. Eventually, the Pope became bored and tired of the long journey. He leaned...
Elevitis: The compulsive need to press already-lit elevator buttons. Shoshanism: Persistent, pathological fascination with persons of no discernible accomplishment beyond their former association with celebrities. (See also Kat...
They call it "PMS" because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken. The Dark Ages was caused by the Y1K problem. A fool and his money can throw one hell of a party. When blondes have more fun, do they know it? Money isn't everything but it sure keeps t...
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you! Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're a jerk Your gene pool needs a little chlorine. You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you! Don't tick me off! I'm r...
Just in case you weren't feeling old today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of the year's incoming freshmen. Here's th...
A friend in Florida sent this to us to show it will take more than a few hurricanes to destroy their sense of humor
Don't squat with your spurs on. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every no...
There's no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take E...
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran. I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.... All reports are in; Life is n...
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds? Middle age is when it takes longe...
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. Esplanade (v.), to attempt...
Momentum Investing — The fine art of buying high and selling low. Value Investing — The art of buying low and selling lower. Broker — Poorer than you were in 1999. P/E ratio — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps c...
I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing "Silent Night".......
—Age 6 I've learned that our dog doesn't want to eat my broccoli either.
—Age 7 I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they a...
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
-Robin Williams According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other...
