Home on the Web

(to the tune of “Home on the Range”)
Lyrics by Peggy Ben-Fay Hu

VERSE:
Oh give me a site
where the links all work right —
one that doesn’t take too long to load —
where the text can be seen
on my 13-inch screen —
one that offers a “no-Java” mode.

REFRAIN:
Home, home on the Web
on my 486 IBM.
Please take pity on me —
I’m still on Netscape 3
with a 14.4-speed modem!

VERSE:
Though your video files
give your pages some style
I can’t read them upon my PC;
Massive graphics and sound
crash my system, I’ve found,
so please put in some “alt” tags for me!

REFRAIN:
Home, home on the Web
on my 486 IBM
Please take pity on me —
I’m still on Netscape 3
with a 14.4-speed modem!

VERSE:
Please don’t ask me to “chat”
with your favorite cat;
I don’t have an IRC code.
And don’t ask me to buy
games for Win 95 —
My PC is way too darn old!

REFRAIN:
Home, home on the Web
on my 486 IBM
Please take pity on me —
I’m still on Netscape 3
with a 14.4-speed modem!