If the World Was Fair to Men
Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th, so it would only occur on leap years.
On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
St. Patrick's Day would be celebrated every month.
Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
When the Police pull you over, every smart-alec answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one, That's $20.00 off".
Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style.
Every man would get four, real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you".
The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
"Sorry, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for absence and/or poor time keeping.
Lifeguards could remove people for violating "public ugliness" laws.
Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
Lager would have the same effect as Viagra.
When it was time to leave work, a whistle would sound and you'd get to slide down the back of a Brontosaurus like Fred Flintstone.
Thanks, Anita in L.A..