In the Beginning

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God’s bountiful gifts, Satan created ice cream and doughnuts. And Satan said, “You want hot fudge with that?” And Man said “Yes!” and Woman said, “I’ll have another with sprinkles.” And lo they gained 10 pounds.

So God said, “Try my fresh green salad.”

And Satan presented crumbled Bleu Cheese dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, “I have sent you heart healthy vegetable and olive oil in which to lightly sauté the wholesome vegetables.”

And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut shrimp, chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter and chocolate cheesecake for dessert. And Man’s glucose levels spiked through the roof.

God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And man and woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

Then God brought forth lean meat so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created the 99-cent double cheeseburger, and said, “You want fries with that?” And Man replied, “Yes! And supersize ’em!” And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And Satan created HMOs.