New Words

AQUADEXTROUS adj., Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with one’s toes.

CARPERPETUATION n., The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

DISCONFECT v., To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it.

ELBONICS n., The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

FRUST n., The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

LACTOMANGULATION n., Manhandling the “open here” spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the “illegal” side.

PEPPIER n., The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

PHONESIA n., The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

PUPKUS n., The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

TELECRASTINATION n., The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.