She is not a BABE or a CHICK – She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE – She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.
She is not a BAD COOK – She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.
She is not HALF NAKED – She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED.
She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY – She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.
She is not CONCEITED – She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES
She does not want to be MARRIED – She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.
She does not GAIN WEIGHT – She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.
She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER – She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
She is not EASY – She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She does not TEASE or FLIRT – She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
She is not DUMB – She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
She is not TOO SKINNY – She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.
She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE – She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.
She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS – She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT
She has not BEEN AROUND – She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME – She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.
She does not GET YOU EXCITED – She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT.
She is not KINKY – She is a NON-INHIBITED SEXUAL COMPANION.
She does not have a KILLER BODY – She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She does not GO SHOPPING – She is MALL FLUENT.
She is not an AIRHEAD – She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY – She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
She does not get FAT or CHUBBY – She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.
She is not COLD or FRIGID – She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.
She is not HORNY – She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP – She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.
She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS – She is GRAVITY RESISTANT.
She does not NAG YOU – She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE
She is not a SLUT – She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
She is not LOOSE – She is MORALLY IMPAIRED.
She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS – She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR
She does not have THIN LIPS – She is COLLAGEN DEFICIENT.