No one fails a class anymore…
They are merely “passing impaired.”
You don’t have detention…
You’re just “exit delayed.”
Your bedroom isn’t cluttered…
It’s just “passive restrictive.”
Students aren’t lazy…
They are “energetically declined.”
Your locker isn’t overflowing with junk…
It’s just “closure prohibitive.”
Kids don’t get grounded anymore…
They merely hit “social speed bumps.”
Your homework isn’t missing…
It’s having an “out-of-notebook experience.”
You’re not sleeping in class…
You’re “rationing consciousness.”
You’re not late…
You just have a “rescheduled arrival time.”
You’re not having a “bad hair day”…
You’re suffering from “rebellious follicle syndrome.”
You don’t have smelly gym socks…
You have “odor-retentive athletic footwear.”
You’re not shy…
You’re “conversationally selective.”
You don’t talk a lot…
You’re “abundantly verbal.”
It’s not called “gossip” anymore…
It’s “the speedy transmission of near-factual information.”
The food at the school cafeteria isn’t awful…
It’s “digestively challenged.”
You’re not being sent to the principal’s office…
You’re “going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building.”.
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