Q: Why do politicians envy ventriloquists? A: Because they can lie without moving their lips. Q: What do you call a politician who swears to tell the truth? A: A liar. Q: What do you call a democrat that sleeps around? A: A breeding-heart liberal. Q: If con is the opposite of pro then what is the opposite of progress? Q: How can you tell when a politician is lying? A: His lips are moving. Q: What do you get when you cross a corrupt politician with a corrupt lawyer? A: Chelsea.