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Resumes

Taken from Actual Resumes and Cover Letters --Fortune Magazine "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms." "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details." "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year." "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions." "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave." "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades." "It's best for employers that I not work with people." "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience." "I was working for my mom until she decided to move." "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments." "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse." "I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail." "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage." "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant." "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far." "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store." "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job." "Marital status: often. Children: various." "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers." "Finished eighth in my class of ten." "References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."