Scoring Your Relationship

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide may help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects.

Point Guide:

You make the bed. +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows. 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. -1

You leave the toilet seat up. -5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty. 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex. -1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom. -2

You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings. +5
…in the snow +8
…but return with beer -5
…and no liners -25

You check out a suspicious noise at night. 0
…and it is nothing. 0
…and it is something. +5
You pummel it with a six iron. +10
It’s her cat. -40

You stay by her side for the entire party. 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy. -2
…named Tiffany. -4
…Tiffany is a dancer.-10
…with breast implants -18

You remember her birthday. 0
You buy a card and flowers. 0
You take her out to dinner. 0
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar. +1
Okay, it is a sports bar. -2
…and it’s all-you-can-eat night. -3
It’s a sports bar, it’s an all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. -10

You go on a night out with the boys…
…with a pal. 0
…who is happily married. +1
…who is single. -7
…and drives a Ferrari. -10
…with a personalized licence plate (GRTNBED). -15

You take her out…
…to a movie. +2
…to a movie she likes. +4
…to a movie you hate. +6
…to a movie you like. -2
…that’s called Death Cop3 -3
…which features Cyborgs that eat humans. -9
…and you lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. -15

You develop a noticeable pot belly. -15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it. +10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. -30
You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.”. -800

She asks, “Does this dress make me look fat?”
You hesitate in responding. -10
You reply,”Where?”. -35
You reply, “No, I think it’s your butt.”. -100
Any other response. -20

When she wants to talk about a problem: You listen silently with a concerned expression. 0
You listen, for over 30 minutes. +5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience. +50
Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying “Well, what do you think I should do?” -50
You tell her what you think she should do. -100
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. +100
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. -200

Thanks, Neeter in L.A.






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