You Know You’re from Alabama When…

The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires six pages for sports.

You think that deer season is a national holiday.

The definition of “rich” is to own a double-wide.

All the festivals you’ve been too are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.

You install security lights on your house and garage but leave both unlocked.

You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad (with marshmallows).

You carry jumper cables in your car–and use them often.

You know what “cow tipping” and “snipe hunting” is.

You only own three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

You think Birmingham is a big city.

You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.

You know which tree leaves make good toilet paper.

You find 90 degrees Fahrenheit “jest a tad warm.”

You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer, and Christmas.

You can tell if a fellow Alabamian is from southern, middle or northern Alabama as soon as they open their mouth.

There is a Dairy Queen and an ABC store in every town with a population of 1000 or more.

You ever said, “Don’t tump that glass of tea over!”

The only celebrities you’ve ever met were football players.

Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

“Vacation” means going to the family reunion.

You’ve seen all the biggest bands–ten years after they were popular.

You measure distance in minutes.

Most of the people you know have hit a deer.

Your school classes were canceled because of cold.

Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

You think there are three sports seasons: college football, spring training and recruiting.

You’ve ridden the school bus for an hour each way.

You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.

You think ethanol makes your truck “run a lot better.”

You know what’s knee-high by the Fourth of July.

Stores don’t have bags; they have sacks.

You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.

You see an empty car running in the store parking lot no matter what time of the year.

Instead of “Hello” you say “Hey!”

Before you do anything, you were “fixin’” to do it.

Thanks, George in Montgomery