Before — You take my breath away
After — I feel like I'm suffocating

Before — She says she loves the way I take control of the situation
After — She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac

Before — Saturday Night Fever
After — Monday Night Football

Before — He makes me feel like a million dollars
After — If I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done...

Before — The Sound of Music
After — The Sound of Silence

Before — It's like I'm in a dream
After — It's like he's in a dorm

Before — $60/dozen
After — $1.50/stem

Before — We agree on everything!
After — Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

Before — Charming and Noble
After — Chernobyl

Before — Ideal
After — Idle

Before — I love a woman with curves
After — I never said you were fat

Before — He's completely lost without me
After — Why won't he ever ask for directions?

Before — Time stood still
After — This relationship is going nowhere

Before — Croissant and cappuccino
After — Bagel and instant

Before — Blind
After — Nearsighted

Before — You look so seductive in black
After — Your clothes are so depressing

Before — Iambic Pentameter
After — Blank Verse

Before — Oysters
After — Fish sticks

Before — I can hardly believe we found each other
After — I can't believe I ended up with someone like you.