Don't Help Me
Three guys and were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat.
When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly, "Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam war... could you help me?"
"Of course, my son," Jesus said, and when he touched the man's back, he felt relief for the first time in years.
The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight.
Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them in the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.
When Jesus turned to heal the third man, the guy put his hands up and cried defensively, "Don't touch me! I'm on long-term disability!"