- At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
- Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
- Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN”.
- Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
- Finish all your sentences with “in accordance with the prophecy.”
- Dont use any punctuation marks
- As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
- Ask people what gender they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
- Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
- Sing along at the opera.
- Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
- Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
- Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
- Ask your coworkers to address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.
- When the money comes out the ATM, scream, “I won! I won! Third time this week!”
- When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, “Run for your lives! They’re loose!!”
- Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
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