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How to Photograph a New Puppy
- Remove film from box and load camera.
- Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
- Remove puppy from trash, brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
- Choose a suitable background for photo.
- Mount camera on tripod and focus.
- Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
- Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
- Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
- Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
- Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
- Put cat outside, put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
- Put magazines back on coffee table.
- Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
- Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
- Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
- Clean up mess.
- Sit back in chair with lemonade and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" soon.