Your horn sticks on the freeway while you are behind 32 Hell’s Angels.
You’ve been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open.
Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You call the Suicide Hotline and they put you on hold.
You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
Your income tax refund check bounces.
You get to work and Mike Wallace and a crew from “60 Minutes” is waiting for you.
It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.
The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
You wake up and your braces are stuck together.
You put both contacts in the same eye.
Your mother approves of the girl you are dating.
Your doctor tells you that you’re allergic to chocolate.
You have to borrow from your Visa card to pay your MasterCard.
That interesting new person you are chatting with online turns out to be your ex-wife
Nothing you own is actually paid for.
Everyone loves your driver’s license picture.
The health inspector condemns your office coffee maker.
You invite the peeping Tom in… and he says no.
The Gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money.
People think that you’re 40 and you’re only 35.
You call your Mom and tell her that you’d like to eat out tonight and when you get home, there’s a sandwich on the front porch.
You start to put on the clothes that you wore home from the party last night . . . and there aren’t any.