She Said It

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.
-Dolly Parton

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
-Erica Jong

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
-Rita Rudner

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
-Rita Rudner

I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
-Wendy Liebman

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
-Erma Bombeck

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing ’em.
-Sue Grafton

I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne

I think, therefore I’m single.
-Lizz Winstead

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
-Elayne Boosler

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson

I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.
-Gilda Radner

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinhem

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.
-Gloria Steinhem

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
-Marie Corelli

Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.
-Baroness Edith Summerskill

If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
-Linda Ellerbee

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor