Phone messages delivered on end of spear. When did FTD start doing a "Shrivel Up & Die" Bouquet? Your important dictation somehow changes to: blah blah blah I am a slave-driving cheapskate. A message that Cindy Crawford is on line 2, followed a few seconds later by Satanic laughter. It\'s not so much the cold coffee, it\'s the staples at the bottom of the cup. Your big business dinner at the Four Seasons Restaurant in Manhattan is rescheduled for Big Jeb\'s 24-Hour Truck Stop outside of Newark, New Jersey. Nude picture of Marlon Brando pops up in your Powerpoint presentation. Supposedly shredded documents turn up in the Washington Post cafeteria. Now answers the phone, "Smith, Jones and Clueless." That NY-to-LA trip she booked for you now involves six plane changes, a 12-hour layover in Guam and a personal appearance on Ricki Lake\'s "I\'m A Selfish Pig" episode. Newly-typed organization chart lists your position as "Wandering in the Wilderness." Your computer\'s mouse has been replaced by an electro-shock device. Expense report you don\'t recall submitting comes back with denied charges for "beer & brothel.".