Momentum Investing – The fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value Investing – The art of buying low and selling lower.
Broker – Poorer than you were in 1999.
P/E ratio – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
Standard & Poor – Your life in a nutshell.
Stock Analyst – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Bull Market – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market – A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband sleeps on the couch.
Stock split – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
Market Correction – The day after you buy stocks.