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Stock Market Terminology for Dummies

Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low. Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower. Broker - Poorer than you were in 1999. P/E ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. Standard & Poor - Your life in a nutshell. Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock. Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband sleeps on the couch. Stock split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves. Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks.