Momentum Investing – The fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value Investing – The art of buying low and selling lower.
Broker – Poorer than you were in 1999.
P/E ratio – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as this market keeps crashing.
Standard & Poor – Your life in a nut shell.
Stock Analyst – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Bull Market – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market – A 6-month to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
Stock split – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
Financial Planner – A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
Market Correction – The day after you buy stocks.
Cash Flow – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Call Option – Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
Cisco – Side kick of Poncho.
Yahoo – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $540 per share.
Windows 2000 – What you jump out of when you’re the sucker that bought Yahoo for $540 per share.
Institutional Investor – Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
Profit – Religious guy who talks to God.
Bill Gates – Where God goes for a loan.
Alan Greenspan – God.
Thanks, George in Montgomery, AL