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Today's Stock Market Terminology

Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low. Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower. Broker - Poorer than you were in 1999. P/E ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as this market keeps crashing. Standard & Poor - Your life in a nut shell. Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock. Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. Bear Market - A 6-month to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. Stock split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves. Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes. Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks. Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. Call Option - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail. Cisco - Side kick of Poncho. Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $540 per share. Windows 2000 - What you jump out of when you\'re the sucker that bought Yahoo for $540 per share. Institutional Investor - Past year investor who\'s now locked up in a nuthouse. Profit - Religious guy who talks to God. Bill Gates - Where God goes for a loan. Alan Greenspan - God. Thanks, George in Montgomery, AL