Today's Stock Market Terminology
Momentum Investing — The fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value Investing — The art of buying low and selling lower.
Broker — Poorer than you were in 1999.
P/E ratio — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as this market keeps crashing.
Standard &amp; Poor — Your life in a nut shell.
Stock Analyst — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Bull Market — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market — A 6-month to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
Stock split — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
Financial Planner — A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
Market Correction — The day after you buy stocks.
Cash Flow — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Call Option — Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
Cisco — Side kick of Poncho.
Yahoo — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $540 per share.
Windows 2000 — What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo for $540 per share.
Institutional Investor — Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
Profit — Religious guy who talks to God.
Bill Gates — Where God goes for a loan.
Alan Greenspan — God.
Thanks, George in Montgomery, AL