Top Ten Ten Rules of Dieting

If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda. (This rule also applies to mixed drinks. Example: rum and diet coke)

1. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if they eat more than you do.
2. When you eat with someone else, your calories don’t count if they eat more than you do.
3. Calories in food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count. Examples: hot chocolate, brandy and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
4. If you fatten everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
5. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because everyone knows that movies aren’t real.
6. When preparing food, things licked off spoons and knives have no calories. Examples: peanut butter on a knife when making a sandwich; ice cream on a spoon when making a sundae; cake frosting.
7. Broken cookie pieces contain no fat. It leaks out.
8. Foods that are the the same color have the same number of calories, Examples: Spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. (Note: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.)
9. Calories are a unit of heat. Therefore, frozen foods have no calories. Examples include ice cream, frozen pies and Popsicles.
10. Wild Card. Each dieter may add one rule that pertains to their particular, unique situation. For example: Pork Bar-B-Q has no fat or calories on all legal holidays in Alabama, Mississippi and Georgia.