If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda. (This rule also applies to mixed drinks. Example: rum and diet coke)

1. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if they eat more t...

1. Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.
2. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail.
3. You faxed your Christmas list to your parents.
4. You refer to your dinin...

1. Promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii.
2. Runs a series of attack ads against Martin Sheen's character on "The West Wing."
3. His #1 choice to work on his cabinet is "That Bob Vila guy."
4. Outstanding record as Governor of Rhode Island n...

1. God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.
2. God knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand him the TV remote.
3. God knew that Adam would never go out and get himsel...

1. Your tinted windows are also known as Hefty Garbage Bags.
2. The car reaches its optimum speed when going downhill.
3. The hi-tech stereo system often requires a new needle.
4. The rear-view mirror says, "Objects in Mirror Are Better Than This Piec...

1. He's distracted by cats chasing his mouse.
2. SIT and STAY were hard enough; CUT and PASTE are out of the question.
3. Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work.
4. Three words: carpal paw syndrome.
5. Involuntary tail wagging is a dead give-away that...

1. Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot.
2. I was working smarter — not harder.
3. Whew! I musta left the top off the liquid paper.
4. Oh, I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on our mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!
5. I was testing the k...