Translating Real Estate Ads

CHARMING — Tiny. Snow White might fit, but five of the dwarfs would have to find their own place. See "Cute," "Enchanting," and "Good Starter Home."

MUCH POTENTIAL — Grim. Steer clear unless you have a lot of money and believe your blind dates really did have nice personalities. See "Ready to Rehab," and "Fixer Upper."

UNIQUE CITY HOME — Used to be a warehouse.

HI-TECH/CONTEMPORARY — Lots of steel shelving with little holes — the kind your dad used to store tools on in the basement.

DARING DESIGN — Still a warehouse.

COMPLETELY UPDATED — Avocado dishwasher and harvest gold carpeting or vice versa.

FIXER-UPPER — A crew of 100 carpenters working twelve months with an unlimited budget could make it inhabitable.

SOPHISTICATED — Black walls and no windows. See "Architect's Delight."

ONE-OF-A-KIND — Ugly as sin.

BRILLIANT CONCEPT — Do you really need a two-story live oak in your 30-foot sky dome? See "Makes Dramatic Statement."

UPPER BRACKET — If you have to ask . . .

YOU'LL LOVE IT — No, you won't.

MUST SEE TO BELIEVE — An absolutely accurate statement.

Thanks, Anita Cotter