You Know You Go To A Rural Church When….

  • The doors are never locked.
  • The Call to Worship is, “Y’all come on in!”
  • People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark.
  • The Preacher says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering” — and five guys stand up.
  • The restroom is outside.
  • Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday.
  • A member requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, “I ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get me out of.”
  • In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of “two calves.”
  • Never in its entire 100-year history has one of its pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.
  • When it rains, everybody’s smiling.
  • Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service.
  • A singing group is known as “The O.K. Chorale.”
  • The church directory doesn’t have last names.
  • The pastor wears boots.
  • Four generations of one family sit together in worship every Sunday.
  • The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer and then only so their neighbors can’t leave them a bag of squash.
  • The hat rack is full of John Deere and Red Man caps.
  • There is no such thing as a “secret” sin.
  • Baptism is referred to as “branding.”
  • There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.
  • Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.
  • You miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 o’clock that afternoon you have had a dozen phone calls inquiring about your health.
  • High notes on the organ set dogs in the parking lot to howling.
  • People wonder when Jesus fed the 5,000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
  • It’s not heaven, but you can see heaven from there.
  • The final words of the benediction are, “Y’all come on back now, ya hear?”






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