You ski uphill.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You answer the door before people knock.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You just completed your third sweater today, and you don’t know how to knit.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you’re standing still is in an earthquake.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
You can type sixty words a minute with your feet.
You don’t sweat, you percolate.
You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
People get dizzy just watching you.
People can test their batteries in your ears.
When someone asks you,” How are you?” you answer, ” Good to the last drop.”
Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
Your Thermos is on wheels.
You can outlast the Energizer Bunny.
You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
You think being called a drip is a compliment.
You don’t tan, you roast.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
You think CPR stands for “Coffee Provides Resuscitation.”